Parent Trap
[Disclaimer: This entry serves as a medium for me to vent out. It is entirely my feelings & thoughts]
Readers, it doesn’t matter if you are single, in a relationship, parents to be, a father, a mother, a grandparent, please take heed. For those who already become a parent, read this and think about it - deeply. For the others, just take this as a reminder ya.
I had the opportunity to encounter a father of a teenager. I admired his keen interest in his son’s academic performance, for he was asking me about it. You see, his son’s performance (in English la, cos that’s what I’m teaching) is rather below average. So, it’s normal for a concern father to worry about his son’s academic. But as soon as he started talking, I began to pity the young man for having him as a father. WHY?
He started with a complaint:
“Yela, ni saya tengok dah 8.30 (sambil melihat jam tangannya), cikgu tak masuk kelas lagi. Tu bukan ape, saya tengok budak pempuan tak pakai tudung tu, yang badan besar2 tu, berlegar-legar kat bawah ni, macam liar je saya tengok.”
[Ok, yes, it's part of my fault that I have not started the class by then, but it was because I have to go to the other part of the building to photocopy the material for 10 students - mind you, I move very slowly because of my pregnancy. But, his SECOND sentences really make me think low of him - AMBOI-AMBOI, sesedap mulut dia jek nak cakap anak orang lain LIAR! macam anak dia BAIK sangat lah. Dahlah dalam kelas, waktu cikgu mengajar, dok doodling atas kertas. Pastu salu tak bawak buku la, tak bawa kertas yang supposed to be discussed la. If kelas Sabtu (started at 8.30am), sesuka ayam dia jek masuk kelas kol 9!]
You see why I pity the son to have him as a father? As told by Linda, the father is a complainer. He complaints about everything and anything. He admitted that at home, his son never really does his works, knows his son is rather slow in learning and that’s the reason he sends him to tuition.
Oh DEAR PARENTS,
Please, please, please don’t think that by sending your children to school or tuition center or being home tuitioned, free you from your responsibility of teaching them. The first lesson should come from parents. I repeat, THE FIRST LESSON SHOULD COME FROM PARENTS. You don’t just chuck your responsibility to teach your child to the teachers. Everything begins at home. That’s why they say, the first education starts at home.
I’m not saying that parents should teach their children formally. I quite understand the obligation of being a parent to provide financially. But, at least, spend some quality time with your children; to check up on their schoolwork, their life, their whereabouts, etc. (oh, setakat pi tanya cikgu2 tentang performance anak kat sekolah/tuition tu adalah setaraf dengan usaha celahan gigi saje ye - nak tunjuk kat orang yg anda adalah caring - kat umah plak camne? what is your part at home?) GIVE ATTENTION to your children. Make sure that they are doing their part as a student, as a son/daughter, as a citizen, etc. Don’t work like hell and say that you do it for the sake of your children - and make it as the reason why you don’t get to supervise your children thoroughly. Yes, money is important, but real children need love and attention more than they need money. They need their parents to pat their back and say “Well done, son”, they need their parents to smile at them and hug them, they need to hear encouraging words from their parents. These are essential to a child’s growth, especially in the aspect of self-esteem.
I have encountered many other cases of negligence. As a result, they don’t get to see their children are having problem. What kind of a mother who does not realize that her son is having cold or cough? Many times, I have to remind the child to tell his/her mother to take him/her to clinic (Of course la, I asked him/her whether mom notices it or not, as usual the answer is, “Tak. Mak tak cakap ape2″). Maybe these mommies are busy. But, I happen to know several mommies who are managers, head of departments and with other high rank post who are able to tend to their children - and the children turn out just fine. I have met parents who were too busy with their work that they failed to notice that their son is actually a slow learner. It can be intervene, with a proper training, but it is better if it starts when the child is still young.
I know a lot of people know how to be a parent. But, apparently, some of them just don’t know about parenting. To be a good parent, you have to know about parenting. And parenting does not only involve providing children financially, though it is important. I can go on and on about parenting, tiga hari tiga malam pun tak habis. It’s just sadden me to see more and more parents neglecting their children. If something is wrong, they blame the teachers, the school, the society. But, the truth is actually staring at them in the face - it’s THEIR fault, in the first place!
Macam case tadi tu, the father did know that his son is struggling hard in academic. He knows the son refuses to do his homework at home. The question is, what did he do to intervene that? What? By sending him to tuition? It doesn’t solve the problem. Lagi sibuk nak complaint2 to the teachers. Don’t go around and complaint about other people’s children if your child is not up to the par. It’ll just make you look bad, as a parent.
The boy is a slow learner, anyway. He knows he is slow, and I guess that makes him lost his interest in study. He can improve, but with one-to-one class, not like this. And plus, he needs his parents’ supervision at home as well. I even asked the father, what does he think of his child’s performance - he failed to answer the question. Instead, he went around the bush. I should have told him, but the time & place were not appropriate (we were standing at the kaki lima with people passing by). The boy is already in Form 4, and he doesn’t even able to form a simple sentence with correct structure and grammar. He cannot even differentiate between present tense and past tense! AND it’s not only English, he has difficulties in other subjects, too. Pity him kan? I wonder how his future will turn out…
I hope when we become parents, we’ll be good ones. So that our children will be good parents to theirs. I hope this incident serves as a reminder to me as well.
