“sehr sub”

One of the highlights of the day (any day, any time) for me is to open my mail and see this particular name popping up: Hafizah Hamdan. She is one caring soul, as evidenced by her needs to make those who she cares about to feel better - even if by a single line, or a poem that she came up with, out of thin air, ok! So, in response to my last entry, she sent this beautiful self-made poem (which I would like to share):

Some say that babies come to you by stork delivery,

Many others say that maybe it comes in a parcel with ribbons,

Or is it through the local telegram,

Hmm maybe since its so modern, they come attached in emails!!

Whatever it is, babies are amazing gifts from up above,

From the Almighty One and Only,

He is the one who bestowed us with such beautiful gifts,

The little ones all wrapped up in handmade quilts.

It started out with a few hugs and kisses,

Harmless at first but it ends up with a passionate sigh,

Tender words will continue thereafter,

And maybe another round of intense pleasure?

Usually we’ll flag our red flag once in 4 weeks,

But, suddenly our red flag does not emerge,

We start to wonder and ponder with a little hope instilled,

And our next stop will be the Guardian pharmacy.

Two test kits lying on the counter,

One is bought just for extra safe measures,

Rushing to the nearest toilet,

Never we were so anxious to release our bladder.

Two lines it is!

A huge smile beautifies our face,

Maybe this is it!!

We are speaking gently inside.

Then we decide the best way to tell our soulmate,

Should I let the kit lying around? or should I buy him a cigar?

Alas, we practically shouted the news to his adorable face,

That’s really actually the best way to say it.

Then comes the first trimester challenge,

Some have endless nausea, vomitting and painful cramps,

Mother-to-bes are sweating out cold,

But we embrace the pain with delighted open arms.

Cold ice cream in the middle of the night,

Sushi in the middle of the day,

All the weird combination of food we can imagine of throught out the time,

Makes our soulmates’ wallets dry owh dry!

Tummy starts to bulge a little bit,

Used to be a size XS, we’re now coming into the M territory,

Still we smile and proudly carress our little tummy,

Our little one is glowing through our faces and eyes, you see.

Visits to the specialist become our highlight of the month,

First snapshot of the baby will make you your eyes water,

Upon the doctor’s head, your soulmate smiling proudly will make your heart shake,

The most amazing first experience is shared between two lovebirds.

Vitamins, milk, and lots and lots of water,

Exercise and healthy diet must be adhered,

Plenty of rest and good night sleeps must be rest assured,

While reading Quran and good books for the baby.

We will be stroking our little tummy from time to time,

Whispering loving and tender words for the little one inside,

Singing them our favourite nursery rhymes,

Hoping to make them smile and give a little shake so you can laugh out loud.

Through out this time, there will be other people with negativity,

Sharing their own experiences, need we know or need we not?

Making us worry about nothing at all,

When all we need to have is Allah’s mercy.

Don’t you worry about what might happen and what might not,

Pray to Him and He will look after you,

All you need to do is take good care of yourself,

Not forgetting your soulmate as well.

Hope this little something will make your worries fade away,

Take only what is necessary and ignore the rest that makes you heart ponders,

Live a healthy life style and be gentle to yourself,

That’s the best present you can give your little one.

Who wouldn’t smile when words like that come in the mail? I wish, Da, for every smile that you have created in every person, you’ll received as much love and happiness, and more.

So today’s dilemma has sprung out from the mouth of a kind-hearted kakak cleaner who had nicely offered free advices about pregnancy to me. Damn! Why did I choose to sit next to her?? Maybe because the table was the closest to me - and I need to sit anyway, to copy the details of tomorrow’s patient.

The conversation began with her question, “Mengandung ye, dik?”. Out of politeness (as I always am), I smiled and nod at her. Then, she started talking about how she suffered from morning sickness and cannot get out of bed, cannot eat rice, only eat mango pickles all throughout her 2 pregnancies and how lucky I am for not having any sickness, get to eat anything I want. Do I smell jealousy there? Hehe..Nah.. Maybe she’s just telling me how lucky I am. All the while she was talking, I was busily copying the patient’s details (as I am rushing to go home & EAT - what a pig!), just responding with short answers (1-2 words only ya) here and there. Suddenly she paused, followed by, “Akak cakap ni, jangan marah ye dik..” Dalam hatiku sudah berkata, “Here goes..”. Then she went on about the way I wear my headscarf - that for first pregnancy (it is not applicable for the 2nd, 3rd and so on pregnancy, though..erm.. I wonder why..), it is not good for the mother to wrap the headscarf all the way like I do because later during labour, the umbilical cord will go around the baby’s head. She went on and on about how her neighbour who ignored her advice and later spend 2 hours in labour because of you-guess-what-la.

Now, of course, me being polite and all, said that I never heard of it and thanked her for the tips. Then I rushed to my car while texting Maslinda to get her opinion on the matter.

The thing is, I’m not into superstitions, unless it is proven to be right (or the superstitions I made up myself - which only applies to me and no one else). I don’t actually believe it, but I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt (which was the reason I SOS Maslinda a.k.a. my pregnancy guru). I don’t see any correlations between the way I wrap my headscarf and the baby’s umbilical cord. But, this IS my first pregnancy, and I don’t want to do anything that might hurt my baby, do I?

I’d be asking around mothers about this superstition, I bet ya. Oh heck, maybe I’ll be asking around EVERYONE about this. Collecting poll. To believe or not to believe. But I’m not believing it. It’s nice to have such caring people in our community - giving free advices about pregnancy and all, but in the end, it depends on the person at the receiving end, whether to believe it or not. My family for once NEVER said anything about it, all they nag me about is read this and that surah, don’t lift heavy things, get a lot of rest, eat a lot of raisins & dates, drink plenty of water and drink milk (which are either health related or religious practices). But then again, I come from a family who thinks the old folks made up superstitions for a good reason IF you can find what it is (for example, never sit in the doorway - because logically, you’ll be blocking other people).

Somehow, I think tomorrow I am going to the Porta Kabin with a new headscarf style - which I can’t think of any, yet. Am I a hipocrite for doing so? Nah.. I just don’t like to offend people. She’s an elderly, anyway. There’s nothing wrong with respecting her opinion.

Oh, by the way, Maslinda learned about the superstition from her in law. She only did it whenever her in law was around, and her babies came out fine and perfect. So, there’s no reason why I should change my belief.

A poem for the baby sent by Auntie Dayda:

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, where have you been?
I’ve been to London to look at the Queen.
Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there?
I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, where have you been?
I’ve been to London to look at the Queen.
Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there?
I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

I’ve been practising some routines that I thought would be good for the baby. Some, I learned it from my mom, aunties, friends. Some, I gained from reading. I don’t know the degree of validity or reliability of the practices, but logically, I thought that I have nothing to lose, so why don’t I just try it.

1. Drink LOTS of water. My mom said that she practised it and the outcome was 4 of us (except Alan) did not have Jaundice.

2. Read Al-Quran EVERYDAY. I usually read it at home, but whenever I went back to BP or Gurun, I never actually read it (hehehe..sebab malas!). But last time around, my dad said something about it and me being a good girl, started to read it then.

3. Read some special Surahs, the Luqman (so that the baby will be clever), the Maryam (for baby girl & also easy labour), Yusof (for baby boy), Taubah (cleansing of soul) & Yassin (for something I don’t remember - but then again, Yassin is an all-occassion surah, right?). I’m trying~~~

4. Eat a lot of fruits. This is the best and the one that I do religiously! Hahaha.. I don’t mind stuffing myself with fruits as I love them.

5. Do mathematical problems. I read somewhere that babies tend to follow or be what the parents are practising. So now, whenever I’m correcting my students’ maths, I count it myself (without calculators or referring to the answer sheet). In hope that my baby will be good in maths, unlike me! (Oh please, sila ikut ayah awak in this area, dear..)

6. I read a lot. Muq reads a lot, too - nevermind if it’s comic book, the habit is as good.

7. Avoid drinking ice, coffee, tea. Hehehehe… Sekali sekala xpe kan..

8. Try not to hate people, or say bad things about others. Peace..

Let’s hope everything is well.

We are currently watching House reruns, from season 1!! And he has downloaded season 5! Hehehe.. He is secretly hoping that our baby will become a doctor one day. But not like House, I hope!

* Will be at FSKB, UKM tomorrow!!! For the IQ test. Will be catching up with Reen as well. I bet there’ll be a lot to talk about.

I’m not allowed to have any session today (and Monday!) because the staff nurses are having meeting in the faculty, so they closed the Porta Kabin. I’m ok with that because yesterday was quite packed for me, both physically and mentally challenged. So, I get to linger a bit more in bed and continue reading Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult.

But, in today’s entry, I would like to talk about me (hahaha, what else) and my growing tummy (or uterus). I’ve read quite a lot about pregnancy during the first trimester (and I heard quite a lot from friends & relatives, as well), just so I know what to expect of the changes in and of my body. But, not every pregnant lady experiences all the things the books say. Take me for an example.

1. They say, pregnancy comes with nausea, morning sickness, all-day vomiting incidents (in some cases). These are all due to the heighten hCG hormone in the body.

I am lucky to not suffer from the sickness. I had nausea, lost of appetite (food aversion), not being able to cook because I can’t stand the smell of heated oil or sauted onion/garlic combination, but I was able to wake up in the morning and continued with my planned activities. So, I combatted it with lots of fruits & lemon/lime/mint flavoured everything. It only lasted for 3 months - the first trimester, so I’m back on business now - eating like a pig.

2. Back pain & pelvic pain, due to the body’s process to make room to accomodate the little person who’s forming in the womb.

I’ve had it during my first trimester. It was HELL! I think most girls would have known how back pain feels, but a pregnancy back pain is constantly there! I sat straight, I had it. I lied down, I had it. I walked and I felt it. THAT plus the pelvic pain. OMG, they were clinging to me 24/7 and I thought they would never leave me. But, eventually, they did. The result is, extra pound to my butt!

3. Tender, swollen breast, worldy sensitivity throughout the body. I think, I read somewhere that it has something to do with the mammary glands and other hormones.

Just like when we are about to have menstruation, but in pregnancy, it lasted more than a week and triple the sensitivity. I felt very very very uncomfortable.

4. Swollen legs, ankles, fingers, due to.. OK, I can’t remember anything on this!

Aaahhh… I have yet to find out. But my wedding rings and sandal still fit. Good enough so far.

5. Headaches, cramping, fatigue.

Fatigue - I had it in the early trimester. I slept at 9pm. I was truly exhausted, drained by 5pm. Some crampings and A WHOLE LOT of MIGRAINE! But I accept them all with open arms since I am so thankful that I don’t have the morning sickness - I could never deal with the vomitting.

These are what I have recently find out about the changes of my body:

1. My obvious enlarging tummy, with a plus side to it - I get to feel the flutter of my baby’s movement.

2. My nose is actually engorging! and I had blocked nose in the morning.

3. I easily get tired from long sitting. And if I sit on the floor, I need support to get up.

4. I can’t hold my bladder for too long now.

5. Itchy tummy, poor skin is stretching to the max!

6. Enlarged breast & butt! Means new lingerie (yeay!)

But, with a caring, loving husband (like mine!) all of these can be easily dealt with (like I did!). It was not a walk in the park, but it was bearable, especially when you have someone to rub your back, massage your tired feet, massage your head, hug you when you feel slightly down, fuss with you to sit instead of moving around so much and the most important thing - buy whatever food you feel like eating. Hahaha.. ( I love you, love.)

A friend saw me in a t-shirt last time and she asked me why haven’t I wear bigger blouse a.k.a maternity dress. Well, I told her that I felt like wearing a shirt that day, which was 50% true. I haven’t had even a single maternity dress, except 2 maternity pants that I just bought last 2 weeks - and that is because I am only left with 1 pants that I can squeeze into with much ease. I just think that I don’t need any other maternity dress. Most of my working attire (by that blouses, I mean) are pretty much one or two size bigger than me. So I can still fit in them. And because I have been wearing them on weekdays, I wouldn’t want to wear them again on weekends, would I? Well, anyway, there isn’t rules or laws saying that if you are pregnant, you have to wear maternity dress, is it?

The thing is, I know, some ladies would love to wear maternity dresses. Maybe it’s the comfort they offer, or the fact that they can flaunt their pregnancy, or maybe that’s the only dress that can fit the enlarged tummy. But for me, I think, I’d look really funny wearing them. For once, there would be NO DRESS that can fit me snuggly, because of my undersized nature. (The pants hunting was terrible because it seemed like I was never going to get into even the smallest size available on the rack - and I still don’t feel comfortable wearing them!) I’d rather be happy and comfortable in my shirts (eventhough it shows my protruding tummy) than feel uneasy in a blouse that looks like it is borrowed. I’m very fussy about clothing, anyway. It has to be comfortable and I look nice in it. I don’t want to go walking around feeling like I’m walking in a sack. And by the way, I don’t think it’s wise to spend RM60 to buy a maternity dress that I’d only wear once in, let’s say 2 or 3 years? And one dress would never be enough, wouldn’t it? So, for now, as long as there are clothes in my closet that can accomodate my bigger tummy, I’d be happy to wear them. And, if I run out of them, there are always my husband’s expensive, branded shirts that will make me look good in them.

My stress-buster kit today consists of:

a) A mini chocolate-flavoured Cornetto

b) RM2 worth of goreng pisang

c) A bowl of diced-cut manggo

d) A glass of corn-flavoured soy bean

e) This entry

I’ve just finished a session. My first adult case. I can see that this is going to be quite a challenge for me - because as soon as I finished the session, I feel that my head is about to explode! I have to come up with a good behavior management program for an autistic adult. Not an easy task to do.

It’s about to rain.. Loving it. I have tuition class today. Rasa malas.. but I have to do it to earn money! Today is an english class, so, I think I’d enjoy it, provided that the kids still remember the present tense of last lesson.

Ok then, off to play games for a while.

De-stressing.

Dear friends,

The FREE IQ test Promotion is now available on weekend. This is your chance to participate!!! Details is as below:

Date : 21st February 2009 (Saturday)

Venue: Faculty of Allied Health Sciences, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur Campus, Jalan Raja Muda Aziz, KL.

Time : 3 slots to choose from = 9am / 11.30am / 2pm.

All you have to do is:
o    Be 20 years of age and above.
o    Go to the venue as stated above.
o    Sign an inform consent (agreeing to the administration of the test and maintaining CONFIDENTIALITY).
o    Spend 2 to 2 and ½ hours for the test.

Test used is Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale 3rd Edition (WAIS-III) which is a reliable as the test used in MENSA Organization (with good validity & reliability).

If you are interested, please mail these details to arf_55@yahoo.com or message me through Friendster:

a) Your full name
b) Your I/C No.
c) Your car registration No. (if you are coming by own transport).
d) State the slot that you want.
* This is to enable your access to the campus during that day.

Feel free to bring a friend or two. Mystery gift will be given to those who participate.

Nur Arfah Zaini

p/s: Come on guys!!! Help me!!! I need about 50 people more or I won’t be able to finish my study by this April!!!! I’d even beg if you ask me to!

Hari ni rasa blue sket..

After 2+ restful days, I woke up before the alarm went off this morning, calculating whether dah masuk Subuh ke belum. I tried to sleep but to no avail. So, I laid in bed listening to the quietness of dawn and Muq’s gentle breathe (I noticed that he did not snore lah this morning!). After he left for work, I stayed a little longer in bed, reading a chapter of Scarlet Feather (I’m in the month of October now, Da!), then I got up to prepare breakfast.

Received a phone call from Reen’s worried mom, while I was making ubi rebus. Turned out that she forgot to send her routine “Mak, da sampai” sms. So, I made a few calls to make sure Reen is breathing well. When everything is well again, I sat down properly for my breakfast; a mug of Milo and Ubi rebus+sambal tumis (terrr-masin sket hari ni, tp suits my taste, anyway).

Then, I started to do my report, just a little finishing touch. So far so good, I thought. Or I thought too soon. Muq ym-ed and said he wanted to go Bandung. There’s a low fare ticket, I guess. And all hell break lose. I was suddenly swept away by sadness and regrets. I know he loves travelling and the fact that he had to put his hobby behind for a while is stressing him up. On top of everything else, money is a scarce thing in our household now. I’ve heard him saying (tonnes and tonnes of times) of how much he likes to go here and there. Of things he doesn’t get to do. And in all of those moments he was saying all that, there is never a time I do not think of it as my fault. Maybe it’s not my fault per se, but I think I’m holding him back. I started to think, what if I’ve accepted that job offer as a psychology officer? I might still be working in Melaka Hospital, or by now, I may have already get the transfer I applied for after marrying Muq. We might be living a more comfortable life. We might be able to go on holidays in places that we have always dreamed of. Money might not be an issue. So, these thoughts, accompanied by streams of tears, are they regrets?

I’ve been wondering, in these past few months, I’ve been sick quite regularly. I hardly got sick. If I was, the colds or coughs would not last more than a few days. But, I’ve been having sore throats, fever, flu for weeks (plus the recurrent episodes). I thought it was the fair share of the pregnancy, since I don’t get morning sickness and all like most of other pregnant ladies. But, I started to think that maybe, just maybe, it happens because of my worries. My data collection for thesis is way behind schedule and I’m worrying over it constantly. I’ve even been having thoughts about extending - which was the last thing I want to do, ever. I’m worrying over the lack of financial source that I am creating since I don’t have a job. All I did to chip in is the 3days a week tuition, which hardly pays for the bills. I’m worrying over the fact that I’m constantly on drugs for my colds & coughs that it would affect the baby. I’m worrying whether we are going to have enough money to welcome the baby. I’m worrying about my brother’s condition. I’m worrying over everything! If I choose to work then, at least, I would have something to contribute to my family. At least, I would not hold back other’s dreams.

Did I do the right thing when I chose to study instead of taking the job? The thought keeps hovering in my mind, like an annoying mosquito near the ear.

I can feel that migraine is just around the corner. Been having the “aura” since this morning. So far I’ve managed to handled it. I restrained myself from completing the report I was on (avoiding overload usage of the brain - hehe), I washed my head with cold water (but had my shower with the heater on - another cheat), I ate my meal on time, I used umbrella when walking from the car park to Porta Kabin and I drink a lot of water (as I was told by my health guru: Sheereen - hehehe..). But I guess spending 20 minutes looking for a vacant parking in Kajang town (just to buy a box of lens) had a toll on my head. So, as usual, the “always helpless” (as commented by my brother, Alan) part of me stepped forward as I put on my “please sympathy me” voice and dialled my SOS number - Mr. Muqri. But, it was honest! I had sore throat (I’ve been sick a lot more, now, compared to before the pregnancy - I used to have the most, two events of being sick per year!), migraine coming in and it was a hot day. So, after being assured that he will buy me the lens, I went home.

Still restraining myself from doing things that can overwork my brain, I decided to write. Something crossed my mind just now - of how innocent the mind of children. As evidence, I’d list all (that I can remember) things that was on my mind (and other kids, maybe) when I was still a little girl.

1. I believe when my dad said, “Kalau tertelan biji tembikai/betik, nanti pokok tembikai/betik tumbuh dalam perut”. So, I’d carefully eat the fruits (it was even extended to ALL small-seeded fruits!).

2. I believe that by writing “alif-lam-lam-ha” on my properties (pencil case, books, etc.), no one would dare to steal it from me. Macam ada orang nak curi sangatla.

3. I believe the saying “Tipu dosa, mati masuk neraka”. The verse is supposed to be said in a certain sing-song way, accompanied by a serious look and was usually use as a threat (hahaha).

4. I never keep pencils that are shorter than my fingers because my friends said that if we use very short pencils, our mom’s life will be shorter. I love my mom, so I never sharpen pencils when they were about to get shorter than my fingers.

5. I gathered my pillows (plus teddy bears) surrounding me in bed because that way, I felt safe & protected. This believe is strongly instilled in me that it last until today!

6. I was so brave then, that whenever I noticed a something (e.g; shadow, kelibat, etc.) on the corner of my eyes, I’d definitely turn to look at it. Back then I believe that if I’m brave enough to look, the “whatever being” it was won’t intimidate me. Now, I sleep with the lights on whenever Muq comes home late at night.

7. At one time, during fasting month, I spat saliva all the time because some kids at school told me that if we swallow our saliva, it will break the fast. My grandpa made it right again. Hehe..

8. I ate and remember food that was cooked or made by my mom the way I had it the first time. Because I believe that if the routine change, the taste change as well. Now, I won’t cook a recipe if I have one ingredient (that is not so essential and can be replaced by other ingredient) missing.

9. Maybe this is just me - I never mark books that I read by folding the corner of the books and I never walk over books because I believe that books give me knowledge and for that, they deserve to be respected. And I still do believe that.

Come to think of it, the innocent thoughts do play a part in my later life. Hmm.. Frued might be right after all.