“sehr sub”

There. On the floor to the left of the TV, are all forms of wires that varied in size. I’m sick of that sight, but our streamyx is still not being connected (Good to know that the streamyx people are doing their job – I got a call from TM asking about our line and suggesting rebate. Maybe I’m one of the good customers, hey.. I do pay bills on time..). I haven’t figure out where to put the phone. My dad took the rack which formerly was for the phone, and placed the microwave (which my 2 babes, ain & nad gave) on it – it resides in the kitchen now.

On the floor to the right of the TV, are 2 bags of DVDs. I haven’t got around putting them nicely in the drawer, because it’s a very sophisticated thing to do – I will need to arrange it alphabetically – which will take a lot of my time. Not that I have anything else to do.

All around the coffee table are other things; a packet of already opened kuaci – which my parents bought a week ago; my meds – when I had cold & cough about a week ago; a tissue box; the candy jar; the green blanket that my brother used during his stay about a week ago; VABS manual; record forms of various IQ tests which I took from UPK last week; an air freshener can; 3 remote controls; my water bottle; a tin of Sugus; 2 ladybirds; the sofa with 3 throw pillows, a pashmina, hangers, a container of nuts and my sweater on it.

Oh, I haven’t mentioned what’s on the coffee table & the dining table, have I? Let’s not go into that.

The thing is, I cannot find any energy to put all those things where they truly belong. I’m sick of the sight (God knows what Muq think of that), but it’s very, very hard for me to do! Maybe sometimes next week.

I was blog-hopping my friends’. It was nice reading their entries of weddings, dreams, plans, works and life. Some are brief and short, others are lengthy and very informative. As I read them, I was thinking, these are the girls I went to school with. The girls I see for 5, sometimes 6 days a week for more than 5 years. The girls who played zero-point, chop tiang and ate and talked loudly in the canteen. Those girls have turned into women. Women who talk about their hopes and dreams, women who are going through life transitions, women who talk about their losses and loves. And I am one of them. Ain’t life beautiful?

I’m going to be 27 this year. Technically, I’ve just turned 26 last September. What have happened along the way? My childhood was a circus of emotions. Belongingness and fitting in. I would like to think that I grew up earlier than I should, emotionally and cognitively, but I was living in a shell. My adolescence and early adulthood were a roller coaster ride. It was during those times that I met a lot of interesting people – some become the best of friends, some are still in my current life, and some were lost along the way (and one is practically living with me, sweet!). Slowly, I learned to come out of the shell, creating my own personality. It wasn’t easy. I was beaten, scarred and suffered a few bruises here and there. But, at the same time, I learned to love, care and I discovered myself. I owe it to some people, for showing me the lights. As I venture adulthood, I learn, still learning, to cope with various responsibilities at one time. More power in my hand, more responsibilities to be taken care of. More confidence and more problems!

I was an average student during school time. Sometimes, I hopped from being average to good, but I was never the excellent one. It was enough to buy me a ticket to university. And from there, it was enough to see me in another university, doing what I am doing now. The lessons and experiences I had were good enough to land me good jobs (which contributed a lot to my knowledge, skills and personality), earned just enough to carry on with my life plan.

I remembered talking to my friends back during the period when teacher did not turn up in class, about ‘the age that we will get married’. Mine was 27. My plan was to do a degree, a masters degree, get a job and then tie the knot. I finished my degree at 22, immediately started working and spent 2 years earning the EPF, I began my masters at 24 and hoping to graduate this year, while I am still 26. Oh, I got married when I was still 25 and am having a baby at 26. So, by 27, I hope I already have a job. When I celebrate my 27^th year this September, I would like to look back at my life, put on a proud smile for myself and keep striding forward.

But first, I have to get off my lazy bum and store these lying objects around me where they belong.

Arfah is currently looking for adult aged 20 and above to be respondents of her thesis. She needs as many adults to sit for a FREE IQ test (a very established IQ test; Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale III). Get a free opportunity to know your intelligence level. A qualified center might charge you up to RM200 for the test administration and another RM200 for the report. You can get it for free by being Arfah’s respondent. Worry not about your details & results as they are highly confidential and will be treated with extreme cautions.

If you are interested and for more information, please contact me through Friendster or email me at arf_55@yahoo.com.

I wonder if housewives get bored. Especially during the day when they are left alone at home, provided that they don’t have any small kids running around, or that they have sent their children to school or such. I guess they could wash clothes (but then again, if they live alone with their husbands, there’ll be not much to wash, isn’t it?), or they could clean the house (but would they have to do it everyday if the place is squeeky clean all the time), or they could run errands. But I bet they can do all that in one day, or do it bit by bit, a day at a time. But, that would leave them with so many time to spare, wouldn’t they? I wonder if housewives get bored.

Because I’m not a housewife, and I get bored with all these time to spent. Oh, I do have a lot to do. I haven’t get around to label the plastic containers (which are still very much in the bag in front of the store door), I haven’t dig up the disorders books and start my readings, I haven’t brush up the first 3 chapters of my thesis (which I gravely remind myself every single day, is due on early April). Oh, I have so many things I should be doing. But, somehow, I manage to not do all of that and do something else, like writing blogs or spend hours burying my nose in a novel, or finding myself rummaging through Muq’s DVD collection wondering would it be nice to watch this or that movie again.

But yesterday was different. I was so eager to write the report for my first assessment case. I did get to it, but then the electricity went out. The laptop’s battery only lasted about 45 minutes. Then, I found myself with nothing to do. Ok then, apart from what I’ve listed just a few seconds ago. I’ve done the laundry, I’ve swept the floor, I’ve written the report, I’ve had my brunch. So, I got dressed, told Muqri that I was heading to MPH, with RM120 tucked neatly in my purse. I promised myself that I’d only buy ONE book.

Our budget is really out for the month. Because of the moving. We need food for the pantry, (oh yeah, I remember, I need to do a grocery list), well, at least I need it, since I’ll be more at home now. There are some other not-so-important things that we have to buy, but, I need something for myself, from myself. Well, my dearest husband would be glad to buy me what I want (and sometimes, I love it that way), but there were times when I need to feel that sense of satisfaction from buying something for myself. And what else would be a better gift other than a good novel.

I walked out of MPH RM68 less than when I came in. It was a good bargain, I can’t resist it. I had 4 books for the price of 2. I bought myself another Picoult and 3 of Binchy’s. Dayda told me about Maeve Binchy some time ago and I had been looking for it eversince. But, until yesterday, have found none. So, when I saw the collection of Binchy yesterday, I took it and never let go. And then, I went home, found that the electricity was back on and I wrote to Dayda, telling her I’ve finally found her book! I was too excited, I had to share it with someone!

So, yesterday was OK. Since I can’t do nothing else at home with no electricity. Oh, we are so very dependent on technology these days, aren’t we? But today? I washed the sheets & pillow covers, I even washed the whites! I mopped the floor, I swept the floor, I even wipe the insides of the fridge. But, I have no intention of doing things that I SHOULD be doing as a student. Why? I wonder.

I remembered being very excited and ambitious about learning and furthering my studies. I still have that thirst of knowledge in me. But, I have to admit, it’s floating away slowly. Was it because my life has a different purpose now? Or was it because I have other responsibilities? Sometimes, I would go to bed at night, with determination - that I would wake up early tomorrow and start doing my work. But, overnight, hmm… that determination seemed to die on me. Or, I’d actually start doing it and then, something came up and I had to leave it (maybe I chose to leave it and attend to that other thing that came up - which was usually more interesting that putting my brain to work). Where have all the determination, motivation, the eagerness gone to?

I’d like to say that they are still around. Only I don’t take the opportunity. Why? I wonder. It’s only for another 4 months! Seems like a long time, but I know it’s not. I have to do this for myself, not for anyone else. If I fail to complete this 4 months successfully, I know, I’d be blaming myself. But (here’s the but again - I’ve been told that ‘buts’ are no good, cos it dampened the spirit), hmm.. I’m going to do this just fine. I would like to believe so.

While I have time to kill..

I went to see my new supervisor (effective 05/01/09 until 24/04/09) yesterday. She briefed me about what I should know for this placement. It was rather lighter than what Sheereen & me used to have in CDC. Well, it’s about time anyway, after all the hardship we went through. The working time is flexible (yeay!), which means I get to do my work in the comfort of my home (now I only have to fight the laziness and the temptation of switching on TV or reading novel instead of doing my work). I learned that I’m going to do 3 protocols (instead of 2), 2 for intervention and 1 for assessment case. Which is OK, I guess. My supervisor is a very soft-spoken, laid back lady (smile) - I can work best with own type of people (smile again). The meeting went on for about 1 hour or so, then I’m back at home, doing some recordings for the placement.

So, today, at 2pm, I was there at the Porta Cabin in Hospital Kajang. I got my cases already. Although all 4 are children. But, it’s ok, since they are just assessment case, the most is 3 sessions with each of them. That, I can do. IQ assessment cases. I’m gonna have to do WISC-IV for 2 of them and WPPSI-III for the rest 2. Maybe some additional VABS. Thank God, I’ve learned it the hard way - to do an interpretive report of the IQ assessment. So, I guess, I was given these 4 cases so that I can practice them. Things happen for a reason, don’t they?

Then, remembering that I’m starting my tuition class tonight, I have to buy some food for dinner. Yep, cooking is still a questionable task for me (wink). Putting health aside, I opted for KFC. Bought a chicky meal and cheezy wedges. But I ended up eating the wedges (in one sitting) before the evening falls. GREAT. Keep up the good work and I’ll see me double the size I am now in future.

oooohh.. It’s getting dark already (only 5.11pm local time). Just about the right time to get myself settle with Keeping Faith (Author, Jodi Picoult). I’m so in a rush to finish this book, so that I can claim more books from Muq. Some time last year, we went to an MPH clearance sale. He bought me 5 novels (or was it 6?) and made me promised to finish reading all of that before I get to buy new books. I think, that was before we got married. With the placement and all, I didn’t get to read often - oh, and the ever so darling Reen, she lent me some of her books, so I read them instead. So, since I have time now, I’m so determine to finish it and get myself new books.

So, my plan for tomorrow is… wake up late (as usual), have my breakfast, prepare for tomorrow’s session at 3.. and attend the session.. and be home by 5pm. I don’t have anything for Thursday so far. Maybe will spend it writing the report. Friday is my day off, still thinking whether should I go tp FSKB or not… erm..

Well, it’s so DARK, ok. I think I’m ready for Keeping Faith!

=) Hello there.. happy new year..

I was way behind blogging.. I never thought I have time to actually sit and write again, but then when syiefa asked me about it, I promised myself to at least make time for it. Well, that was about a week ago.

The day we moved out from the apartment to move in to a house (with ground and grass and all!!), we had visitors already. Well, of course, my family was there. I’m so blessed for having them - I take it, they’ll even come if I’m moving to the moon. Muq’s brother came with his girlfriend, his uncle came with his little cousins. AND, Syiefa came! Well, at least there is ONE visitor (that is not a family) came. Thanks for coming, Syiefa! She actually came to pay her last respect to the apartment, but it was too late, so, instead of saying bye-bye, she said hello to this new haven of ours. And then, she asked me the question - don’t I blog anymore? Well..I’d love to.

So many things had happened since the last time I wrote. Yeah, I noticed, I started to write less after my marriage. I’m not very good at juggling things. So, in between being a daughter, a wife, a student, the me-part got left behind. Then, the new responsibility comes. Aaaah.. It’s not like I’m complaining, but believe me, being all of that is a hell lot of work to do.

In brief, I’ve finally finished my first external practicum. It was exhausting, yet interesting. I’ve learned a big deal about children and their development that I doubt I will ever forget till the day I die. Children are fun to work with, but they come with many challenges as well. I had the chance to work with all sorts of children - tackling fear issues, hyperactivity, learning difficulties and developmental problems. But there are still a lot more that I have not have the chance to deal with! This coming Monday, I’ll start with the second external practicum - my last sem! I’m so excited that I am finally finishing, but at the same time, I dread it as I know I’m going to be more knackered than I did in the last sem. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan pembelajaranku..

I stopped writing mails to Dayda. So sorry dear.. I stopped chatting with Lydia.. I hardly talk to Nad and Ain. Well, it looks like I had cut off all my social activities with my dear friends. See, told ya, I’m not good at juggling. I can only hope that I can catch up with them, soon.

Last year, I’ve had my internal praticum. Result was good (YEAY!) that it pulled up my CGPA. At least, when I get the external practicum result’s, I can still breath. I’ve gotten married to a wonderful man (God blesses him for everything he had to put up with living with me). It has been (counting) 7 interesting months! I’ve had my first external placement. It was grueling, but awesome at the same time.

In the life aspect, I attended MANY weddings this year, both family’s and friends’. It was kinda nice to see people being brought up together, to be bound by love and happiness. There’ll be MORE weddings to come, I bet (I know!). Hoorey to everybody celebrating love and trust. When the weddings have taken place, little babies make their ways. So, there was also a lot of babies being born, both friends’ and family’s. Congratulations to the new mommies and daddies.

And then there was the inevitable, the lost of our loved ones. May they rest in peace. Al-Fatihah. For those who are left, may they be showered with more love and be given strength to go through the bereavement period. Life will go on for them. Those that have left might not been replaced, but may hearts of those who were left will not be empty forever.

Another year had passed. Histories have been created. Another year has come. More histories are about to be crafted. May we all learn from the past, not making the same mistakes twice. May we all learn from the past, to do everything twice as hard, twice as good as what we had put our mind and effort in. Have a good year, everyone!