There’s this one sentence that Ain used to say - "In the end, everything will be ok."
I think, she’s right.
If things are not OK, it is not the end, yet. So, keep on doing what you are doing and push harder. You never know, maybe the moment that you are giving extra effort is the moment things turn to be ok. Hold on. If you have faith in Him, all is well..
So when my friends asked me about the preparation & mostly about my feeling, whether I am excited et cetera et cetera, I gave the most boring answer - "ok kot.." , "feeling biasa..". Because I don’t know what to answer. I haven’t read anything about How To Answer Questions Related to Your Wedding article. Plus, I don’t know what I am supposed to feel. Maybe it was because of the hectic schedule with exams and everything else around the world that was falling over my head 24/7 or maybe it was simply me not bothering so much about the Day.
It was heap of emotions jumbled together clasping themselves over me. At one time, I got all excited and happy and smiling all the way. But at other time, (and mostly at those times when friends asked me about my wedding - which is pretty weird and depressing), I felt numb, hence the boring answers.
A not-so-professional-advice given by a close friend (but I found it encouraging enough), "you are marrying someone you truly love, forget everything and indulge in that thought". That was what she said when I whined & complained (that’s me!) about the stresses that rained down on me like it’s never going to stop. And so, I follow her advice. I am marrying someone I love and who I know loves me dearly. I am surrounded by good friends that are ready to offer their advices FOC (oh, bless me) at any time of the day. Another close friend made me see the most important thing of wedding (other than the "rukun", of course) is to have my family and friends around me to celebrate the day I step up another level of the needs hierarchy.
On that very same ground, I build up this new-found feeling of happiness.
I have figured that the dissatisfaction I felt was because of my inability to follow through the ideal wedding checklist I found in magazines. Six months before the wedding: think of a theme. Three months before the wedding: choose invitation card. A months before the wedding: start facial treatment. Two weeks before the wedding: Relax, go to a spa. And the list goes on with other idealistic goals. I mean, it does help with what to do, but I realized that things doesn’t have to be that perfect. I guess that was just me and my old habit kicking in. Like, I won’t cook the meal if there is one ingredient missing or unavailable in the kitchen. I get upset easily when I don’t get to follow the exact route to get to the destination, even though I am aware that there is a different way leading to the exact location. There is an unexplainable satisfaction when I get to do things the way I wanted, or things to turn out the way I have always imagined. I bet there are other people who would agree with me on this.
It was not easy, opening my heart and eyes to accept the other way around. Thanks to the tonnes of advices I got from experienced friends, everything looks a lot easier and I feel a lot lighter. Or maybe the gravity is giving me a discount. So, for the time being, I guess, letting my hair down and enjoying the sale period of gravity seems like appropriate things to do.
