“sehr sub”

Our first assignment is due next Monday. It is a "Thought-Diary", more or less like the Journal mama made us to do during degree. But Dr Ng made it simple. I don’t get to blabber everything and anything in hundreds of words in this Thought-Diary (not that I like to) because I have to do it in forms of a table. More organised and readable than my journal. I don’t have a problem doing it. It’s the other assignments that I am most afraid of. Clinical reviews? Best Workbook Practice? What in the universe is that? I believe I will come to the understanding once I get my head together (yeah, bits and pieces are scattering away). But, not at this moment la. For the first time ever, I’m juggling both work and study at the same time. For those who manage to do this, I double-salute you! Damn hard with all the study stuffs and assignments and work! I’m doing ok, thanks to my colleagues who understand my situation and I can’t wait till September when I can finally indulge to the bottom end of the 3 inches handbooks and dream of journals and researches (yeah, right).

I have new friends now. These people that I’ve just known for about 3 weeks now, made the best discussion board! Yes, we do have our differences, worldviews, but most of the time, we agree with each other. We came from various backgrounds but we have the same passion. The best part is, we fit in just fine. Ok,I won’t go too far, it’s only 3 weeks, but I have hopes.

I can’t wait to go to PD this Sept!!!!! Hajar, please make it happen.. I’m in need of a break…

I’m going  to write less and less now.. Gonna miss all these moments.

It is only the second week of my 14 weeks classes, and the assignments have come like an avalanche!
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I hope things go as they are planned. I hope Allah will guide me on what is better for me and my future. I’m glad that He has bestowed what’s best for my friends. I have one with beautiful baby boy, one who has chosen to be where the love is, one who gets a job immediately after she resigned (without any thoughts of having any job waiting in-line for her), one with new friendships and opportunity to add value to herself, one with the baby on the way (which actually put an end to her worries), one who finally gets to teach science class, one who has proved to her colleagues that she’s worth more than what she looks and also open up their eyes on things that people think is just a waste of time.

I like to see it this way: Luck has rub off the people in my circle. Good for them.

And today, I think I have really let go of things that irritate me to the core. Things? Hehe..People. Well, they don’t intimidate me anymore. I’m free! I chose to learn from Lydia. Who has decided to take the opposite way of her life-goal (Lyd, this is just my impression ya. It may have been your goal after all. hehe..). I’m just waiting for that moment. Who knows… Only God knows what’s best.

Friday the 13th, they say.
Out of the ordinary, I woke up with the most uncomfortable feeling that day. I have yet to know why. I went to class that morning, with the dread. Concentrating took most of my energy that when I reached office later that afternoon, my head couldn’t seem to remember what were the things I supposed to do.

Even the Leadership in Me event that night, failed to offer me any comfort. I’ve got phone calls from Kak Gee most of the time and twice from Izzah. The second time Izzah called, she bore the answer to my uncomfortable feeling. I heard it the first time you said it, Ijah.."Fa..Kak Za dah xde.." and I asked you to say it again. Just to make sure that I heard right.

I sms-ed Lydia and she called me, crying most of the time. Later that night, I found out that she has memorised the entire Al-Fatihah, because of our dearest kak Za. I told Kak Gee and we cried again. It was then I decided that I have to go home, ignoring all the calls and teases of my colleagues. Tears streaming down, all the way from campus to home. All thoughts of regrets, wishful thinking and sadness swept over me.

It was Tuesday, the first day of her diagnosis. Brain tumor. I called her husband to confirm. They were coming back to Peninsular for the operation. On Wednesday, I heard it was already 2cm and she has gone unconcious. The operation was scheduled on the next day. Thursday was a disappoinment because her brain was swollen, hindering the surgeon to operate on her. We were told, as soon as the swollen goes down, she would be pushed to the operation theatre. I didn’t hear anything about her (most of the time, I was afraid to ask. I was not ready to hear worse) until that phone-calls from Izzah. And so..she left. She left a husband, and a daughter. She left her family and her friends. Rosliza Ismail has left us.

But the memory remains. The way she called me.."Fah!" The happy faces of hers. The way she told a story. She will remain as one of the closest friends I had. I had regrets. I haven’t talk to her for quite some time. I was too busy coping with my own life, that I failed to spend a few minutes, even to sms her. But I am satisfied. For when she needed me, I was there. She is a good friend to many of us. I hope her life in the other side will be pleasant…

May she rest in peace.. Al-Fatihah..

I went to sleep last night, hoping that the itchiness will subside. But my sleep was disturbed quite frequently at night, scratching, tossing and turning. And, I woke up this morning, feeling like my neck and shoulder are doubled their normal size. Indeed, they looked exactly like that! Things started to pop into my head, am I having chicken pox? another rashes? am I having allergic attack?

I took a half-day leave (which was meant for my class - it has been cancelled yesterday, but I thought what the heck, I still have extra 7 days leave even after all the cuti is counted), thinking of going to office at 1.30pm. But when Muq called me and ordered me to go to the clinic now, I chose to follow his order. I get dressed in 10 minutes time and started driving while alternately scratching my fingers, arm, leg, shoulder and neck. Oh, and my back. I must be looking rather ridiculous with all the scratching activities.

It turned out that I am allergic to Arcoxia, and another drug started with ’s’ (I forgot what it was, the moment the doctor said I will be needing an injection - on my butt!). Blimey! This is the second time I had a butt-injection. My first was when I accidently stepped on a dead bee and my feet went all distended. Hehe.. It hurts more after the injection, rather than when the doctor inserted the needle.
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Yesterday, I received a news from Lydia. That one of our friends, kak Za, is suffering from brain tumor. I immediately sms all of my classmate (of 2001) telling them about the news, after I called her husband and get the fact straight. He brought her back to Semenanjung to undergo the operation. Gosh! I hope she’ll be OK.. The kindest person of all seems to be given the hardest test in life.. Iffah, her daughter is still in Samarahan, I think Kak Wan’s family is taking care of her. Kak Mala was the first to replied my sms, then it was Izzah and Kak CT. Mama was rather shocked to hear it and she asked me Kak Za’s number. Kak Wan was the one telling me the whole story, of how Kak Za had fainted, of Iffah and of Kak Za’s condition. Zira had replied as well. At night, Cik Ema was thanking me for the info and Abang Din called to ask about her. I hope my sms reached everybody I intend to tell. Let us all pray for her safety during operation and health after that. I had never imagine having to experience someone close to suffer from such heavy illness.

Butterflies in my stomach. Please let today be OK..
I’m so so so nervous. Nervous macam masa mula-mula masuk darjah satu. Nervous macam masa nak kena interview. But today’s nervous is more than anything else. Please..please..let today be OK.

=) Let’s start with a smile.

I woke up before the alarm goes off, yesterday. It has always been like that whenever I feel excited about the day. I didn’t prepare for the situation, but everything went well.

I am pretty much happy with myself now. And I have MANY reasons to do so:

At last, the UPG-ians especially the HICOM has realized how important it is to start developing their skills and eventually themselves. And what is more beautiful is that they want to share it! This coming year will be a lot different. The UPG has grown!

Miss Zulaifa is coming to town!~~~~ Hahaha. I’ll have someone to share my coffee in  the evening! Oh, let’s make it tea since coffee gives me migrain. Anyway, she’s coming. I’ll fetch you on Sunday, Lyd!! =) By the way, En Razali has just known that you have a new name and he’s excited about it. Haha.

I am making new friends! 12 of them (oh, 11 excluding me), but 12 if you want to count the new ME! Haha. I am going to spend my everyday of these coming 2 years with them. Cool! I’ve just got a few names, only half of them. But, this Monday, I’ll go after the rest.

Ya Allah..I am so blessed. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me another chance.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. I watched Transformers yesterday. A small reward for all the things I had to go through to get to yesterday. Well..I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING COOLER THAN TRANSFORMERS! Hahaha.. I was "wow-ing" all the time! I don’t think I even blink! Hehe.. I love the scripts. I fell in love with the cars and the transformations. I don’t care if the story line is too simple. I don’t care if Muq said that it’s unlogical that’s the baddies are more than the good guys. I told him that the good robots are fewer than the bad ones because they want to give credits to the humans! I think that’s the cleverest answer I had so far (in answering Muq’s "too-logical" questions - Apparently, he ALWAYS have at least one argument on EVERYTHING!) The last time, he said that he views people in two types- the "pandai" and the "boleh". He put himself in the latter category and when I asked mine, he said that I am who I am. Hah! I knew it. He didn’t dare to mention my category! Eh, out of topic.

Anyway, the day before the 4th of July was really fun. I can’t wait to start again. Another fresh start. Another renewed life.

I’m ending this with the brightest smile =)

1.You snore?
+ No one ever complain..so, I figure I am OK.

2.Lover or Fighter?
+ More of a lover, but I can fight if I have to. Survival of the fittest!

3.Worst fear?
+ When those that I love leave me, for good.

4.As a kid,were you a lego builder?
+ nope. My brother is. I was more of an observer than a player. Haha.

5.Your View bout "Reality Tv"
+ It was ok at first, but later it has become more of a nuisance. Too much already.

6.Do you chew on straw?
+ No. But I have done it before. I think, I was thinking really deep and did not realize that I have chewed it.

7.Were you a cute baby?
+ To some extend, all babies are cute. I have just remembered one of my picture, short straight hair and very wide forehead. Hahaha.

8.How is the single life for you?
+ Ok..let me rephrase it , my single life WAS ok. My relationship now IS magnificent!

9.What color is your keyboard?
+ the color of black

10.Do you sing in the shower?
+ No..maybe I hum a little.

11.Have you ever bungee jump?
+ Not yet. Would love to do it one day. If I’ve got the guts lah.

12.Secret talents?
+ I surprise people when I can be extremely calm during extremely panic situation. haha. Does that count? Hehe.. Oh, you know what, the UPG-ians will laugh at this, thanks to them, I now know that I can act. Hahaha..

13.Ideal vacation spot?
+ Anywhere cool with good green scenery. New Zealand!!!

14.Eaten Sushi?
+ Once and I decided that I don’t like it. hehe..

15.Seen the movie "DONNIE DARKO"?
+ tak pernah

16.Do you give a darn bout the Ozon?
+ yes. I try as I might. I might be one of the minority to do that. Hehe.. (ye ke..?)

17.How many licks to get to the center of tootsie pops?
+ 3 licks, according to Mr Owl. hehe.. Mr Turtle never lick it, he bites it.

18.Can you sing alphabets backwards?
+ Hahaha..I did. But then, I run out of alphabet before the tune ends. Hahaha.

19.Have you been on an airplane?
+ Yes.

20.Are speedos hot?
+ I don’t think so.

21.Your stand on hunting?
+ Hunting for survival is ok. But hunting for leisure is not. Oh, and what is most uncool is when you see hunting as a business.

22.Is marriage in your future?
+ Yes. Yes. Yes. It is SO in my future. Hahahaha. I don’t want to grow old alone!

23.Do you like your handwriting?
+ I guess so. Now I like it even better when there is no teacher telling me to "besarkan sket tulisan, arfah…!" haha..

24.What are you allergic to?
+ can I say durians? Hehe.. and I’m prone to get itchy if I don’t change my bedsheet for more than a month.

25.The last time you said i love you?
+ Just now.

26.Is tupac alive?
+ Which Tupac? The one I know died in 1996.

27.Do u cry at weddings?
+ Once. At Maslinda’s.

28.How do u like your eggs?
+ Poached, fried, scrambled, omelette, boiled. Any one from the list is fine with me. Uh, and french toast! yummy!

29.Are blondes dumb?
+ not entirely true..there is no scientific evidence.

30.Where the other sock end up?
+ I don’t know, maybe in my sibs’ pile of clothes. Haha..If I wash it myself, I will never lose the other half. I’m very particular with sorting my clothes.

31.Whats the time?
+ Time for a BREAK!!

31.Do you have a nickname?
+ nothing fancy

32.McDonalds disgusting?
+ No. I love mcDonald’s.

33.The last time ur in a car?
+ this morning. this evening. Tonight. tomorrow morning. hahaha.

34.Bath or Shower?
+ bath’s fun. Shower is faster.

35.Is santa real?
+ It’s just a make-believe. A nice make-believe. Hehe..

36.Afraid of the dark?
+ Yes. hahaha. My imagination will run high! last night, I was waiting for Muq in the car, while he did his maghrib prayer. It was not entirely dark. But ours is the only car there, and Muq parked facing the bushes, the dark scary bushes. Eventhough I had the view of the alley (towards the surau). Then, I started imagine seeing things. Haha..I laugh now, but then, it was really scary. me and my imagination. hahaha..we go a long way ~~

37.Addicted?
+ yes apparently. to mint choc chip ice cream!

38.Crunchy or creamy peanut butter?
+ Crunchy has more fun!

39.Ride on Ambulance?
+ never had one.

40.Times u brush your teeth?
+ whenever I feel like it. hehe.

41.Is drug free the way to be?
+ Drug is good. It helps when you are in pain. But drug is never to be used for fun.

42.Wearin socks now?
+ No.

43.Ever hitch hiked?
+ I don’t dare.

44.Color of your eyes?
+ dark brown

45.Last time you cried?
+ last week. haha.. when I cried, the world knows. I am ok now, guys! =) smiling and happy! thanks for your concern.

46.Like your life?
+ Life is good now.

47.Who do you like better?
+ Myself when I am in a VERY good mood. Haha..soooo self-centred.

48.are you psychic?
+ intuitive, maybe. psychic, tak lah..

49.read "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
+ should I?

50.Play instrument?
+ hahaha.. I’m clueless.

51. Skateboard?
+ my brother is good at it.

52.Like camping?
+ No. Hahaha. I need proper toilet to live and be happy.

53.Snort when laughing?
+ No. hahaha… I have no breathing difficulties.

54. Believe in magic?
+ definitely. Not the copperfield kinda magic. But more of "magic". Hahaha..I’m not sure people understand me.

55.Are dogs men best friend?
+ I guess so..But we can train cats as well..

56.Do you believe in Divorce?
+ No arguments can’t be solved. But if that’s the best way, then divorce it is.

58.The last thing you ate?
+ Snickers

59.Do you wear nailpolish?
+ I don’t have time to spend for it. Hehe.

60.Like some one rite now?
+ Yes. Tea would be fine. Tq.

61.Annoying tv Commercial?
+ can’t think of any at the moment.