“sehr sub”

This will be the last blog of the year 2006. Today is the last Friday of the year. There are so much things going on that I lost track of time. Funny, how fast time flies.

I felt like it was yesterday that I celebrated 2006 with Aminah & friends, watching the fireworks display in Putrajaya. This year, I get to celebrate it in my own hometown. Insyaallah. I bet, I will be in deep sleep when the clock strike 12 that day. Ha-ha. So much of celebrating New Year.

It has been a year now. Sad to say that my bank account sees not so much changes, positive, that is. Sad to say that I lost a great friendship, this very year. Sad to see that I have stained my personality a bit. Sad to admit that I have crossed the line of morality and my own values. Sad to have bid farewell to some great lifes - may they rest in peace and be blessed by the Al-Mighty.

I feel good, of my acceptance of those misery that have swept me. Yes, I still have to keep reminding myself to save more for my future. However, I am glad that this year, I am able to buy gifts for my family, with my own money. Not like the RM400 watch I bought my dad (with the PTPTN money meant for my study). My gifts were a lot cheaper than that, but at least, it comes from my own effort. I am happy to buy stuffs for my brothers and sisters, not minding taking back the small change from them. (huh!upah gi kedai dulu 50 sen jek. now can let go of the RM 2-3). I get to buy stuffs for myself as well! (somehow shopping lost its excitement when I have to pay with my own money la). I know that I have used my money for a good cause.

I lost a great friendship - and I gained some good ones. Sad to see the bond goes weaker every day, the hope gets dimmer each day. But, what’s the use of it if all I got is sadness, aight? We still talk to each other (as rarely as we could), but the chemistry was not there anymore. I accepted it. I have met new people, maybe will not be as good as that, but it will do for now (maybe, just maybe, it will be better!).

Personality changes from time to time. I have picked up some bad habits along the way. I have done wrongs and did not make it right. I have leaped over the limitations I have set long ago. Funny to see how I have chosen the path that I once swore I won’t go. I hurt people’s feeling, I cursed bad drivers, I made decision in haste - I touched what was supposed to be left untouch. I will now live in guilt. May I be forgiven. (So much about being nice and kind to people, and to myself!sheesh!)

May I learn from my mistakes.

Next year will see me as a new person. It’s my birthday tomorrow (according to Islamic calender, 9 Zulhijah), such a nice time to start shaping the better me. Things will be a lot different from now on. I have major plans for the new me (Ha-ha. sooooo typical new year’s resolution). Typical as it may seems, THIS will be IT.

I will be more organize than before (let’s start with arranging all the papers on my workstation). I will hold my tongues more - practice that think twice before speaking. I will start saving. I will! I will! Seriously, I have to. I will take more pictures! (have to buy camera for that). I will not repeat the mistakes I made, simply because I don’t want to suffer from guilt anymore. Cleanse my conscience.

Haha. Sometimes, I think that I have became so assertive, to a point of being evil and selfish. Cloud nine time is over - back to earth, Arfah!

This year also, I have attended the MOST weddings compared to previous years. In all of my life, 2006 is the year that I have eaten the most Nasi Minyak. Friends got married, friends have their first babies, friends getting married. When my time comes, I have to accomodate more food for my friends AND their families. Huiyo! Rugi, rugi..

I can’t wait to see what’s installed for 2007. The end is actually a new beginning of the end (now where did I read that).

To my friends who read my blog religiously, thank you so much. Happy Eidul-Adha and Happy New Year, everybody!
       

I was the first one on Fadhillah’s list. It was a surprised! Haha..Panjang pulak tu nak jawab! Here goes.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

* arfah (formally)
* fa / fah / afa / fafa / pa / pah ( by the closest ones)
* kp / nur (recently, by the window gang & the latter one by bos)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

* arfah zaini
* arf_55
* arfah

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT
YOURSELF:

* easy come, hard to go acnes!!!
* straight, "gnirob" hair that has no volumes what-so-ever even after the rollers or the knots intended to create volumes.
* my over-sensitive eyes (panas sket jek, berair. Sejuk lebih sket jek, gatal)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR
HERITAGE:

* Bugis (2/4)
* Chinese (1/4)
* Arab (1/4)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

* posters of / movies /e-mails that pop-up scary, horrific ghost plus the awful sound effects.
* Losing the people I love most
* Roaches & Big beetles that comes out of nowhere and are charging towards me.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

* wake up smiling (at some days, it has to be forced)
* Planning for the day
* Feed my pusak to prevent him from digging in my toes.

THREE OF YOUR MOST TREASURED
POSSESIONS:

* my graduation gift (Dear you, it’s our 2nd year Anniversary TODAY! = I doubt my kelisa can read this, but nevertheless..)

* The friends and family I have
* life experiences (keep stacking it up)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
RIGHT NOW:

* My all-occasion silver bangle
* Blue kurung (bie, dis is your fave kurung, remember?)
* My RM100 (then) purple watch that I bought along with advices from Zira & Lin.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL
ARTISTS:

* Anuar Zain
* M. Nasir (same taste le Fadh!)
* Take That

THREE OF YOUR
FAVOURITE SONGS:

* Everything I do, I do It For You
* Perpisahan
* Wishin’ and Hopin’

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A
RELATIONSHIP:

* Assurance
* Happiness
* Trust

THREE
PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

* Smiles
* Eyes
* Hair
(all sama dengan fadh!)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:

* Reading to the max (and summarize it to people who WANTS to listen)
* Scenery spotting (I love beautiful things)
* Beads!!!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT
NOW:

* Finish "I wish you could see me now"
* Buy "Someone to Watch Over Me"
* Go back to my hometown in a blink of an eye (huhu)

THREE PLACES YOU
WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

* new zealand for the scenery
* morocco for the heavy deco (haha)
* Florida for the FUN!

THREE KIDS’ NAMES YOU LIKE:

* Rahsia..Nanti orang lain amek.Haha.

THREE
THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

* cleanse my heart from hatred.
* see the family that I created able to manage their life well
* learn as much as I can and share it with people

THREE WAYS THAT YOU
ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:

* appreciates pretty girls (same again ha fadh)
* pretty good at fixing things
* stoic

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:

* always helpless
* whine to infinity
* easily succumb to emotion

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:

* orlando bloom
* tom cruise
* richard gere

THREE
PERSON WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY :

* lydia
* syiefa
* muqri

I miss blogging!!! Hahaha..My IE line was corrupted (was told by my Mr Problem-solver) and I can’t log in to Friendster for a week or so. I had so little knowledge of the IT world, which disable me from thinking of alternatives. But, anyway, I guess, I’m ok like this - If I were to know everything, all the fun will go away! [Read: I have to do everything on my own and never get to whine on anything because I know how to tackle every little probs that come my way - sad, ain't it?]

Oh dear Fadhilah, you can now view my past posts. I didn’t put on the archives thingy la. No wonder I also cannot find my last posts! Tee-hee.. Enjoy reading! [P/s: My last posts usually consist of me copying and pasting from the sources I read at that moment. Not so much on my thoughts la. However, the materials are usually something that affected me during that period.]

I went home last week and my bro & sis were like complaining on my short-time at home. Don’t worry babies, I’ll be home again next week and the week after that and you’ll regret on wishing me to stay home for longer time because you guys will have to attend to my beck and calls. Ha-ha. Bossy sister, yes I am!

I was accompanied by Syiefa on my trip back to BP. There was this one question that took me by surprise. "KP (that’s what she calls me), masa sekolah dulu, pernah ke kita bercakap?". I NEVER talked to her - not that I remember. I knew her as this tudung labuh wearer, with good sense of humour and a behaviour that did not potray her outfit. Especially with her fitfull laughs. But then again, I’ve seen people like that before, so that was normal with me. Those 2 days (to and fro Kajang-BP), I had the chance to keep up with Syiefa. She did allow me to peek in her life, a bit. The mischievious Syiefa.

Last weekend I had the chance to attend Farah Azura’s wedding and Farhana’s  as well.  It was a short visit to Farah’s , but  Farhana’s wedding was a joyous one. She looks like a barbie doll, clad in a barbie-colored dress and having Kent at her side, also wearing barbie-colored Melayu suit. And oooh…they were so barbie-like couple! haha… We took pictures and had a nice chat with her. Congratulations to both Farhana & Farah on your marriages!

The trip to and back from Farhana’s wedding was hilarious as well. Nad, Mas and Syiefa. Put them together in a glass room, the room will shatter to minute pieces. Most probably because of the effect of their hysterical laughters. We talked all the way from Sri Kembangan to Batang Berjuntai, with subsequent laughs and tear-jearking jokes. We even stopped at Puncak Alam to take pictures. Syiefa & me ended up in the pics, while Nad taking it from INSIDE the car, while Mas inspected and inform us whether it was the right time to pose or not. [Note: we were taking pictures at the roadside, with the background of swamp and trees.] The road was rather busy and Mas and Nad were rather shy to come out of the car, so when Syiefa start posing, I jumped out of the car to join her. Then, we spent most of the time laughing until everyone’s tummy ache from the laughter [uh, not everyone la, Syiefa did not suffer from this ailment, but she claimed that her jaw hurts -"...mungkin sbb korang ketawa dari perut la, aku ketawa dari tekak, jadi rahang aku sakitla..", innocently spoken by Syiefa.]. We failed to find the "Awas, Tapir melintas" roadsign (Nad & I swore we’ve seen it before!) and I did not get to identify the location of Altantuya’s horror end (sorry, girls..).

Later, Nad offered to treat us McD’s ice-cream (strictly Ice-cream only - "aku belanja eskrem je ye. benda2 lain, korang bayar sendiri" - the ever soo generous Nad). While indulging the smooth texture of the vanilla, chocolate & strawberry ice-creams, we discussed on Mas’s wedding. Poor Mas..She’s in need of a wedding planner! Our laughters (at some point) drowned the heavy pour outside. I guess, that moment was captured beautifully. Eccentricly beautiful.

Last night, as I reached home around 12.40am, Dada called. Saying that she missed me & can’t talk long enough since her credit was not enough. It’s her voice that tells me that she’s not OK. Maybe I’ll call her tonight.

Got this from Mindy. Hope you don’t mind me keeping it in my blog ya!

This is for the ladies:

1. Someone will always be prettier
2. Someone will always be smarter
3. Someone’s house will be bigger
4. Someone will drive a better car
5. Someone’s children will do better in school
6. Someone’s husband will fix more things around the house

So, just let it go and love yourself and your circumstances. Think about it.          The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.                               The most highly favoured woman on your job may not be able to have children.     The richest woman you know - she’s gotthe car, the house, the clothes - butmight be very lonely.
So, love yourself. Love who you are right now. Tell yourself "I am too blessed to be stressed".

Be blessed ladies!

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world".

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It’s true though. Sometimes I do look at other’s achievement and thinking about why does she has all the good things in life? Forgive me, my dear friends, but there were times when I felt a little (mind you, VERY little) tint of jealous. Ok-la, I’m about to be honest and tell you. In no particular order ya, girls.

I kept thinking of how lucky Nadia is. She’s not a Petronas scholar, yet she gets to be an executive there - forget about being in contract, but she still get the same amount of payment (as of other executives) at the end of the month. Gosh! Even if she does not last long there, her resume already looks good with PETRONAS name in it. Companies DO look at that, dear. It’s not easy to get into Petronas (unless your family member is in it -lah), so, for Nadia who has nothing-so-ever with it, you are so darn lucky, girl! (work stress tu biasa la nad..keje kat mana2 pun ada kan).

Another fortunate girl, is Fadhilah. Studying in Germany. Need I say more, miss? =). uh, yeah..and a VERY loving family! Very cool sister (I sometimes read her blog, beside yours - really inspiring la) and very loving dad. Tall, Big dad, so, I guess, his love is as big as him - or bigger! =)

Ms Ina Basir, a lovely lady.. I envy her strength - not physically la - her emotional strength, and her determination. Her courage. I’d collapsed if I was her.

I have always look forward to hear her wisdom. She’s only 2 years older than me, but she has gone through a lot and she does give good advices. That’s Lydia. She has a soooo very positive looks at life. Rare do we find a lady that is really looking forward to increasement of a-g-e. But she does! Looking forward to her 30! Hahaha..I know she had plans. Lydia has a lifestyle of her own - which is so cool, to me.

Pau, as she is called by her family. I love this lady to the core! She is adorable. No matter where she goes, she will be the favorite of everyone. People even fights for her (or her son!). Haha..She has a husband who loves her dearly, gives her anything she wants (dulu masa bercinta pun, her fiance(then), sanggup berkorban apa sahaja for her). Very loyal. Lucky her. Now that her life is complete, I just know that she will create new things to put in her "want" list.

There is one particular person that I found really difficult to forget. Really difficult to avoid not to envy. This person is damn lucky, I tell you. Always had all the good opportunities. Life is always good and easy for this person. Must have been because of the person’s kindness (or is it because God wants this person to have everything now - and later this person will run out of good in life??? hahaha - hear me laugh). When jealousy gets the best of me. 

Comparing myself to other people tires me all the time. But sometimes, I just can’t help it. Don’t get me wrong now, beloved friends, I still love you. Despite the jealousy that SOMETIMES strucks me. I’m so happy for you. But, at the end of the day, you make me think, I am as lucky as all of you. Opportunity comes my way as well, just in a different mode. We are all the same. Come from the same (figuratively speaking la) form of mommy’s & daddy’s combination, walk the same ground, when we are dead, we’ll be buried in the same soil, will be resurrected on the same day. The only different is our final destination. But, I do hope that we end up in the same place (the nicer one), eternally. [Forgive my manner of words, somehow that 10 pages working paper still lingers in my head]. The most important thing is how we live our life. Specifically, how we decide on matters, how we use that opportunity, how we choose the better one. Dear Arfah, it’s how you appreciate who and what you have in life.

I finally did it! The 10 pages paper work + 20 slides of it.

I’m going to rejoice in the merriment of its completion with serving the best meal to my dearest hungry tummy.