“sehr sub”

Life is about learning.

Like how I learn to accept everything that has happened and taking it as it is. Like how I     understand myself through my friends eyes..Like how I learn to teach myself to be a better person, day by day.. Like how I learn that what I gave, I get it back. Like how much love I actually can give. Like that I should appreciate my loved ones before they are gone..

Life is about taking risk.

Like how I took the risk of leaving my comfort zone and venture a new life. Like how I risk my friendship by choosing what they disagree most. Like how I risk every second of my life..Like how I risk making decision without knowing what the future might bring..

Life is about making decision.

Like how I decided to be brave. Like how I decided to do what I did. Like how I decided to make my life as it is now. Like how I decided to accept people as they are. Like how I decided to not to regret on what I have decided upon.

Life is about choosing.

Like how I choose to be happy with what I have. Like how I choose to cherish everyone in my life, everything that comes my way.. Like how I choose to love instead of hate. Like how I choose to smile instead of frown. Like how I choose to appreciate instead of downsize people.

For me, these are all what life is about. Along my life line, I have been at the top and there were times when I was out of the scale. I was once the most unlikeable member of my family, was once a nerd, was once a teacher’s pet, was once popular, was once surrounded, was once left behind, was once been depressed, was once an achiever, was once loved, was once hated, was once confused..

Now, I choose which ones of these experiences I want to experience again and which ones I want to leave out. It is all depend on me, no one else is more responsible of me than I, myself. It’s up to me, someone who bears the name Nur Arfah Zaini.

                                                 IF                            

                                                            

             If you can keep your head when all about you   

             Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,      

             If you can trust yourself when all men doubt   

             you                                           

             But make allowance for their doubting too,    

             If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,   

             Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,      

             Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,      

             And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too      

             wise:                                          

                                                           

                                                            

             If you can dream–and not make dreams your    

             master,                                       

             If you can think–and not make thoughts your   

             aim;                                          

             If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster      

             And treat those two impostors just the same;   

             If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve      

             spoken                                        

             Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,   

             Or watch the things you gave your life to,    

             broken,                                       

             And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out      

             tools:                                        

                                                            

                                                            

             If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

             And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

             And lose, and start again at your beginnings   

             And never breath a word about your loss;      

             If you can force your heart and nerve and      

             sinew                                          

             To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

             And so hold on when there is nothing in you   

             Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

                                                            

                                                            

             If you can talk with crowds and keep your      

             virtue,                                       

             Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,

             If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt   

             you;                                          

             If all men count with you, but none too much, 

             If you can fill the unforgiving minute         

             With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,    

             Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in   

             it,                                           

             And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!   

                                                                                        

                           –Rudyard Kipling

If will stay as "if", if I don’t act on it…               

I was under the state of depression once. I am thankful for those who reached out for me, for those who stay by my side, no matter how awful I was at the moment. I recently read about Choice Theory and how I wish I had read it sooner. From this theory, Glaser (2000) came up with the reality therapy. Reality therapists believe that underlying problem of all clients is the same: unsatisfying relationship. Due to this lack of relationship, people usually choose to suffer anger and depression.

Angering make it easier to lash out and hurt someone. Depression is another way to ask for help without begging. This is what interests me most. While I was being depressed, all I think about is myself. I was busy thinking about how unlucky I was, blaming others for my immobilization. I was angry, but I suppressed it. I thought that it was not right for me to be angry. There were times when my anger got the best of me and I found myself crying my heart out. I cried until I do not have the energy to cry anymore.

People mistook me as ‘mengada-ngada’ because I cry so much. Well, the thing is, I find it easy for me to cry rather than to get angry. I cry when I am happy, cry when I am sad, cry when I am mad. It does not solve any problems, but it offers me comfort.

My greatest credits go to every soul that had touched mine. These people gave me strength and what is wonderful about them is that they did not make my problems as theirs. I have good friends that know how to console me, offer me good advices and they gave me comfort. It amazed me how they manage to listen to my disappointment and at the same time have no prejudice over “some” people that I blamed.

Somehow, talking about my feelings made me realized that I chose to be depressed. Accompanied by this newfound thought and encouragement from those who cared for me, I learned to look at the bright side.

I am happier now. No regrets on what has happened. No blames on those people who I "thought" were the cause of my blues..I owe them instead. A lot! These people taught me a million things on trust, respect and friends. I chose happiness. And, yeah, I’m proud of my choice. =)

I am taking things as they are. One by one. Cherishing and appreciating everything, everyone around me. It’s what life is a all about, anyway..The moment won’t be repeated. I missed out many things. I am not sure I want it to be that way anymore.

this is my 1st willing "journal" like writing.haha..used to be forced writting journal.it does help a lot,though.to write things down,expressing myself.and the best thing is when i read it back.to reflect on what i’ve written, to see how silly i was =p or to see how i’ve grown.thanks to ‘mama’ who has thought me well.

things change awfully quick nowadays.just hope that i’m strong enough to endure it.to accept it. and to adapt to it.

i’ve put millions of thoughts, reflecting on my past life..there are so many things that i want to do and never get around to get it done. the 1st on my list is to get in touch with all of  my friends.those from the school years, matrix, the early years in unimas and those who i met along the way.. been letting it untouched.

"Friendship is the only thing in this world, the usefulness of which all mankind are in agreement"  Cicero.

thus, i do believe that friends are to be kept.acquaintances as well.